Inherent loathsomeness [1-10]: They’re made by Glad, and I am a Reynolds girl. They’re like the Coke and Pepsi of the disposable plastic and foil…wrapping. Things. And bags. Whatever. With Reynolds being the Coke of the two (obviously), and Glad being the Pepsi of the pair. Coke (Reynolds) is it. Pepsi (Glad) is for suckers...7

Misdeeds [1-10]: They will never. Ever. Dry in the dishwasher. You will take them out and they will be all covered in water, talkin' about, "Hey, guess what? Not only am I still wet as wet can be without being water itself, but also there is no possible way you will get me dry with a towel, since you cannot, unless you have needle fingers, get under the lip or into my lid's many crevices. HA!" Also, although they don't say the name directly, you KNOW they are trying to bust on Tupperware, which is completely retarded. Tupperware : reusable plastic containers as Dr. Dre : rap music...8

Mitigating factors [1-10]: They do hold food. And are pretty cheap...8

Cultural Saturation [1-10]: Watch the ladies say, "Don't get mad, get GLAD!" Watch your co-worker microwave his leftover spaghetti in a Gladware® container. Watch that friend of yours, whose husband makes lots of money, as she throws away her Gladware® after only one use. (Bitch!) Watch yourself stacking the clean Gladware® into the dish drainer, where it will take approximately 2 days to dry. Don't forget that the stack will keep falling down and clattering to the floor every five fucking minutes because the plastic is slippery and wet...7

Bonus points [1-10]: Since Tupperware parties have been taken over by lingerie parties and purse parties and Pampered Chef parties and sex toy parties, poor Tupperware didn't stand a chance. At least Gladware® allows us to continue the tradition of asking, when confronted with leftovers after a family meal: "Do you want me to Tup it?"...4

Inherent loathsomeness [1-10]: She was home-schooled… 6

Misdeeds [1-10]: This pod-child has made quite a career [20 films in 11 years] out of being just like that annoyingly, syrupy-sweet “Jerry Maguire” kid. She’s like a baby Renee Zellweger, tilting her head, squinting her eyes and speaking wisdom beyond her years as American movie-goers shake their collective head in a kids-sure-do-say-the-darndest-things kinda way… 7

Mitigating factors [1-10]: She’s taller than her “War of the Worlds” co-star, Tom Cruise, and she’s bound to go through her awkward teenaged phase any day now… 3

Cultural saturation [1-10]: She is in every movie due to come out this Christmas… 9

Bonus points [1-10]: She has a younger sister, also an actress. We must stop them before they become the Olson twins… 5