From: Discharge in Carney

Dear Becky,What is the best way to ask a potential sexual partner if they have any STDs, so that it won't be too uncomfortable and it will prompt them to be honest?-D.I.C.

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Dear D.I.C.,

This is an excellent question, and deserves a multi-part answer:

Part 1) The lamentation: You’re right to assume that someone might not mention they have an STD. He or she might not mention it because they are a) unaware, b) ashamed, c) an irresponsible asshole. It’s sad that STDs carry such a horrible, horrible stigma; you don’t have to be a bad, dirty person to get one. Stigma = shame = people not owning up to their STD(s) + not telling people they have sex with = EVEN MORE STDs. Terrible.

Part 2) The obligatory, common sense, perfect world response: you should not be having sex with a person if you are not comfortable talking about: birth control and STDs.

Part 3) The actual answer to your question: When it comes to (uh) sticky situations such as this, I don’t believe there’s any way to go besides the direct approach. Short. To the point. Without any hint of accusation.

“Hey, listen. I really like you, and I really like me, so I think we should both be perfectly honest here. I don’t have any STDs. With the knowledge that this information goes no further than this room, do you?”

AND THE FLIP SIDE:

“Hey, listen. I really like you, and I really like me, so I think we should both be perfectly honest. I have genital herpes.”

Part 4) The point being: The point being: get tested. There’s no other way to be sure. Think of how many states have mandatory testing for couples getting married. You’d assume that by the time two people are ready to walk down the aisle they’d have already covered that ground but…

Way to get all big serious on me, Discharge. And way to call yourself Discharge.

Becky