By The Right Reverend Scot Polk
Spiritual Advisor MEDICINE - In a study partially funded by Phillip-Morris, the Pasquinade laboratories found that in 15,000,000 non-arson deaths of smokers, only 1 percent of the cases were actually caused by smoking. Our researchers found that in only .012 percent of these cases was a cigarette even present at the time of death.
When asked to explain these numbers in the face of the common sense, the Pasquinade Doctor Emeritus, Amy Carson, had the following comment, "I think doctors need to quit blaming bogeymen like tobacco and alcohol and concentrate on the real culprit, loss of blood to the brain."
In fact, results showed that 97 percent of the deaths studies were due to the loss of blood to the brain, the other 3 percent being due to smoking or being kicked by a mule.
Good evening and remember: Have a Mint Julep for Mother Science!
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