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Rebecca Schwoch serves as Contributing Editor for the Pasquinade.
Read other stories from this author. | By Rebecca Schwoch
Contributing Editor
Born in the heart of the Bible Belt, I was raised with a certain set
of expectations. Go to school, don’t get kicked off the bus until you
graduate, marry, and have babies. When, at 22, I had failed to complete
the last two missions of my life, I began to hear the loud ticking of
my internal clock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock. Tick, tock.
My search for a good ole boy between the ages of 22 and 30 took me where
else... to the Internet. Judging from the responses I got, some of you
boys could use some pointers, so here is a simple list of things NOT to
say
Lines to avoid...
- I have been crapped on one too many times
- I like to do the normal redneck stuff
- I'm a Man in Uniform!!!
- Wheres my Sugar momma
- Lets cut to the chase. I am married and seeking to find a woman
- I'm a Network Systems Administrator
And, you definitely shouldn't have pictures of your truck as part of
the package... unless it's a dually.
Back to bad lines...
- My last girl friend left me cuz I smothered her with to much flowers
and candy and good lovin'
- The one problem that I have is that I CANT FIND ANYONE I WANT TO PUT
UP WITH... it always seems that I get ahold of the IMMUTRE ones....OR
the Ones that like to play head games....anyway....if your still reading
this I DARE YOU to send me a message...! ! HoPe To HeAr FrOm YoU SoOn
- I DO NOT GO TO PARTIES or USE DRUGS
- Male Gigalow of your Dreams
- Hello ladies, you arn't making a wrong choice by sending me an e-mail
- I get hit on by her friends, so I know that I look attractive.
- If I wanted sex, I would just get with my wife [Believe it or not,
this is a different guy than the previous one.]
- Im Like I Said Good Ole Country Boy. Wanna Roll In The Hay
- Looking for sweat punker
- I am not just curious because I have been out with several black women
- I'm not very picky
- Now, don't expect to be spoiled
- I really can't stand smoking, but I WOULD give someone a chance even
if, but if I intended on really staying with her, I'd make her quit,
eventually.
- I'm making myself sound very uptight and anal.
- I want a woman to hold in my arms & can be no other woman in my life
to hold & cherish & look into her eyes & see the stars & feel you in
my blood & see the passion in each others hearts & souls & you be the
first in my life.[Can we say stalker?]
- I'm the kind of ratbastard that gets by without really trying.
- I've got a 3.25 in college
- Love to eat women
- in other words I have little money.
My favorite? “I have been crapped on one too many times.” How can a person
say that and expect a date? So, what is the point of this? Just don’t
talk shit (or about it) and use the damn spell check.
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